drupal statistics module

Machines Like Us

Codifying Bible-based marriage into law

Saturday, 26 May 2012
by Mano Singham

We hear a lot from politicians about how we must protect traditional, Bible-based marriage against those who would change its definition to allow same-sex couples. Oddly enough, very few seem to be willing to fully embrace traditional marriage in its most comprehensive form, opting instead for such limited legal actions as restricting it to between one man and one woman.

They should be willing to go the distance and to help them out, here is a template for those legislators who want to codify Bible-based marriage into law, complete with citations.

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between n
one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)



B. Marriage shall not impede a man’s right to take concubines in 
addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron
11:21)



C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a
 virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut
22:13-21)



D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be 
forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)



E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the
constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be
 construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)



F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry
the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother’s widow or
 deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one
 shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law.
 (Gen. 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10) 



G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your
 town, it is required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with
 him (even if he had previously offered you up as a sex toy to men
 young and old), tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. Of 
course, this rule applies only if you are female. (Gen 19:31-36)

That should be clear enough.